either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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