I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
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