He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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