I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
A+ Viking dick
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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