He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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