HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
