I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
