Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
