Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
false alarm. still invincible.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
