Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
The struggles of a small town man whore
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
