Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
