well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
