I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
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