ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
