Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
