you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
