So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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