it wasn't lemon gatorade
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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