there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
