I wanna bring you to show and tell
Buhtt sex?
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
