He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
