I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Randomize
