i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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