areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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