You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
