Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
