Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Randomize
