I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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