So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
