So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
