I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
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