I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize