remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
