dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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