Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
