There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
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Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
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you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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