found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
