So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
