You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
did i walk over a car last night?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
