Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
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