Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
