I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
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