Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
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