what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
