also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
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