when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
