so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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