Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
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