if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
