First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Randomize
