I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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