I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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