I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize