Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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