she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
