i think my tv is drunk
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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