She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
