P.S. I can't hear my feet
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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