stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
