Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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