i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
