There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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