OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
