I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
