Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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