Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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