Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
