I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
My dick has a subreddit
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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