everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just high enough for therapy.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
