I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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