I'm sorry that you just had your first misguided homo experience
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
