apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
