My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
