he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
