wanna go halves on a baby?
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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